I have been gone for over a year so I will just start with today.
I have been wondering what has been my problem on moving forward. We decided to adopt another child early in the summer of 2007, but I have not been motivated at all in filling out paperwork or getting anything done. Even though I have her room all planned out and I have lists of names everywhere, I have not done much to actually start the adoption process. I am intentionally not writing WE because if I didn't do the footwork we would not have Drew and Donovan. That is just a fact. Tim is great, but I am the one who moves the mountains for that 
I have often mentioned that I follow my "inner voice" It was very loud when it told me to stop medical treatments and discontinue our 2nd attempt at IVF. It was very loud when it told me which agency to go towards for our first adoption. I heard it clearly when the SW talked about a baby boy who had been born and was waiting. I knew Drew was Drew from the first moment I heard about him. I also heard it loudly tell me which direction to go for our second adoption almost 4 years later. Although I thought this might be my last chance for a girl, it told me to be open to either gender, and I am so glad I listened. Donovan has our hearts in his grubby little hands and he knows it
That voice has been talking to me about another baby for a while now, and I assumed we should adopt again. Really, how logical is it to think that after 15 years of marriage that we could ever get pregnant. I have NEVER ever been pregnant, not even for a day. Especially given that I do not want to do IVF ever again. So I started plodding along down the only CERTAIN path I know. But my feet aren't moving.
So my cycle started acting up again like it did last year. This even after I had a D&C to clear out everything. My GYN suggested I take BC pills but I don't want to because they gave me headaches the last time I tried them for that purpose. So I decided to try an herb I read about called Vitex. One day after I took the first pills, my never ending cycle ended. 
That got me to thinking dangerous thoughts.
Our only known issue had been male infertility. Very low morphology (I don't remember the exact numbers. That seems like eons ago) My cycles used to be picture perfect up until about 5 years ago. Anyway I started thinking that if the herbs helped me that quickly, maybe there are some herbs that could help Tim. That's when the GONG of realization started in. I have never really let the dream of getting pregnant go. When the SW asked how we grieved about being infertile, I had to kind of BS through that because I never really did grieve over it. Not in a final kind of way. At first I thought I just didn't care, but countless pregnancy tests later (screwy cycles have caused me a lot of tears) revealed that I do care but I won't allow myself to think about it. It's weird because I don't actually think I would enjoy being pregnant, but I have this strange urge to do it anyway. Maybe it's because I turned 37 in September.
Now my voice is telling me to try doing things the natural way (+ herbs) and see what happens. So I am going to listen. This may be an exercise in futility, but I am going with it anyway. I never did charting or any of that before (they moved us straight to IVF after Tim's SA), but I will this time. I will get Tim some herbs I read about and force feed sweetly ask him to take them everyday. I'm thinking we will go on this way for a year and if nothing comes of it, I will at least have some closure. I will force myself to let it go.
I just wanted to get this all out and I know that some here can understand. I hope I have not caused anyone any hurt feelings with what I have written.
Many Many apologies for my lengthy absence. We have had a great summer, and now that things are dull again..I can bore you with my journaling. First things first....
It's so very hard to believe but my Drew Bear is 6 years old. His birthday was yesterday, but we are doing his official celebration on Saturday.
My little boy is now a 1st grader. We were on our way out the door in that picture. I am so proud of my little man. His favorite things are SuperHeros, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers & Toy Soldiers. I don't think he could be more "boy" if he tried. 
Last time I checked he was 4' 4" tall. Any guesses as to when he will catch up with me? I am only 5' 4" I'm thinking it will be in the 5th or 6th grade. 
Here he is in the only present we let him open yesterday about to blow out his unofficial cake on his official birthday.
If you are wondering where his BIG smile went. He lost a front top tooth on Saturday. He was studying his image in the mirror Saturday night and I said "Drew you look so cute" He told me quite bluntly "Mom that's not cute" Who knew vanity started so early.
Made him laugh anyway so I could catch his Snaggle tooth look.
I will do a lenghthier catch up post later. But wanted to let you know that we are all still alive and getting older by the minute.
Tim's grandmother passed away on Sunday, April 22nd. We attended her funeral this past Saturday. She was 99 years old, and until she fell and broke her pelvis about a month ago, she was in pretty good health. Much like my Granddaddy's funeral last year (he was 104), it truly was a homegoing celebration. There were few tears and plenty of heartwarming stories about her life and legacy. We were brave and took Drew and Donovan with us to the funeral. They were very well behaved, but I can't attribute that to my excellent parenting. I would have to say that it is because they both were asleep for over half of it. Still when they woke up there was no major outbursts. Tim and his family seemed to take her passing well. It is truly a blessing when a person lives long enough to see their youngest child become a great-grandfather. Unfortunately our family is suffering another loss. This time it will be difficult to see the reasoning behind it. We received a call early this morning that my nephew (age 20) had been killed. His father (Tim’s brother), mother & brother were returning home in Virginia from the funeral late last night. When Tim’s brother started to unpack the car, he noticed that the door to the house was ajar so he told his my SIL and their little boy to stay in the car. Afte searching the house, he went outside and heard a cell phone ringing. My SIL was calling K's phone to find out where he was. Tim's brother discovered K's body in the woods behind their home when he followed the ring. We do not know all of the details but we do know that he was murdered. We will probably be leaving town in the next couple of days to be with our family. He was such a smart young man with so much to offer. It is hard to accept that he is gone. We have been up since 3:30 this morning and I am very tired. It's hard enough losing him as a nephew...I can't imagine losing him as a son or brother. Those who pray...please pray for our family.
So many things have been happening here in Mosquitoville. I figured I should update before I forget any. Sorry can't do any of these the in depth justice they deserve though....
Drew got into the school that I hoped that he would. I am so excited for him and for us. I really think he will shine in this type of environment. I don't know if I posted a link before but it is a IB Primary Years school. The only thing that scares me is that there is sooo much more structure than the Montessori program he is in now. I think he will do great, but I am certain there will be a long adjustment period.
Drew also went to his first ever dental appointment. I figured he was 5 years old and it was about time. Actually, I know it is waaaaay overdue, but until the age of about 4, he had a real phobia of machinery noises. A dentist drill would have driven him crazy. I have always taken really good care of his teeth, and luckily he has NO cavities! Yay! He did really well with the dentist too. I am glad that I found one that specializes in children. His only complaint about the experience was that it was too cold in the office.
Donovan's amended birth certificate arrived FINALLY ! It seems so weird to see Tim & My names on his birth certificate. (more on this subject later) I am glad we have it though. We can finally get the chap a SS# then off to work for him ;0)
Donovan is attempting to sing his ABCs and will also 'fill in' the correct number if you start counting and pause. It's just so very cute. He has taken a liking to playing with Drew's Tball setup and also likes playing basketball. He will back up to you holding the Bball. If you are smart, you will know that means to pick him up so he can dunk it LOL. We have the Fisher Price Gro to Pro and he and Drew fight over it daily. Taking turns is out the question for Dove. But his favorite thing to do 'by far' is to play in dirt. The blacker and muddier the better. I can't believe my baby is almost 2!
We have also decided once again that whenever we start the adoption process again, we are going to be open to any gender. It has been weighing on my mind lately and I am glad Tim agreed to it. He was the one set on a girl anyway. I honestly love my boys and one more would be perfect. So whenever...
Just had to post Dove's (short for Donovan My Love) newest feat...
We were all finishing up dinner and Dove signaled that he was done in his usual manner...by throwing food and utensils. In my usual manner...I told him no and removed everything off the table within his reach before things got any messier. I leave him locked down safely confined in his booster chair while I clean up the kitchen most days. It's a lot easier to pick up smushed peaches from the floor if he is not there under the table trying to retrieve and eat them first. Today instead of screaming like a banshee he said most clearly "I wan to geh down" I asked Tim "Did you hear that?" He confirmed that Dove is indeed a genius. I was so excited that I momentarily lost my mind and let him out of the booster chair. I kissed his face and put him down on the floor to see what he would do next. I was sorely disappointed when instead of telling me everything he had been thinking about for the last 22 mths, he just ran off to join his brother in the den. At least he didn't climb on top of the table and try to pull on the light fixture -- yeah he does that --- I guess I will just have to wait patiently for the next wondrous pearls of wisdom he decides to impart on his lowly parents.
His first sentence...and a commanding one at that. I couldn't be more proud. Stay tuned as I am sure to post about "Bring me Juice!" "Take me outside!" and "Change my Diaper!" He's gonna be a leader..I just know it ;0)
This picture has got to be worth at least a thousand words. We went to an 'international fair' this weekend. There were booths set up for each country with information, food and crasfts. Of course, to appease the kiddies, there was the obligatory bounce house or two. After I told him repeatedly to stop rough housing with the other boys, Is it an unwritten rule that little boys must push each other? I had to banish him from that activity. He gave me this 'I'm mad' face and decided to pout. I decided that it was a good time for pictures. I pretended that he was a model at a photo shoot, which irked him even more. There's a verse about not provoking your child to anger. Maybe I should look that up, but I'm sorry... I really couldn't help myself.
I think it was exactly 1 minute before we had made full circle back to the face I like the most.
I asked my wonderful husband to take Donovan for a haircut today. "Just 1/2 to 1 inch off the top" I said. Does it look like he listened?! His story is that Donovan was asleep when they started cutting his hair then, all of a sudden, he woke up and grabbed the barber's wrist. This resulted in an unsightly chunk in the middle of Donovan's fro. Now this could have happened, but I seriously doubt it. Chances are Tim got tired of hearing Donovan shriek every morning as I combed out his hair. The clip would have solved that but it's too late now. That first buzz cut always make little boys look so much older, but Donovan's cheeks got more noticeable so it isn't as bad. I will have to get used to it for sure. Just something else for me to cry over my vodka sweet tea about.
The rest of this post will be a photo essay of the rest of our day. Please avert your eyes if you are a diabetic. I will not be held responsible for the sugary overload :0) Hair or no hair the DonoBoo is still very very sweet.
Donovan was 'helping' Drew with his action figures in this picture. His 'helping' usually results in Drew screaming in agony that Donovan won't stop knocking over his stuff. I was there as a look out today so all was safe.
Now I don't know exactly what Drew had in mind for this little scene, but it appears that the two mice from Flushed Away are kissing. Maybe they are having a wedding. Yes, of course! I see that all of the VIP are in attendance. Superman, Ninja Turtles, Big Mouse (can't remember his name) and Zorg from Toy Story 2 . It looks like Goofy and a Power Ranger were going to come but have passed out from drinking too much....
Aha! I was right. Drew set the happy couple on their way. He insisted that I take a picture of them like this. I really didn't realize at the time what he was doing. Boys really do have a sweet side. It's not all fighting and killin after all. Oh wait a minute...looks like Spiderman has been a victim of a homicide...tsk tsk
Donovan got bored with Drew's wedding and decided to try and eat something inedible. Look at him go at that 'whatever it is' See I know a turtle would be in danger around here.
Random cuteness....
The last two are Donovan sans crib....I can't believe how fast he is growing up. Somebody hit the pause button please.
That's all folks!
Drew wants a dog. Really really wants a dog. We had a dog, Lacy, who passed away last December. She was a ditzy, fun-loving (in her younger days), sweet as pie Cocker Spaniel. Drew really loved her and Donovan really didn't get to know her. Now everytime Drew sees a dog, his whole face lights up, and he begs to pet them or "rub them" as he puts it. He is so happy just to be around dogs. After he plays with one he will say. "I miss Lacy. I want my dog"
His brother is also quite fond of dogs and Tim is itching to get another dog as well. There is only one thing in the way....ME!!..I don't want another dog right now. Don't get me wrong, I loved Lacy, and when she passed away at 12 years old I was heartbroken. But you know what? I am one of those people who only loves THEIR dog and I do not get the warm fuzzies every time I see a four legged critter. I still have a vivid memory of all the work that goes into having a dog, and I don't want any part of it. At the end, and at the beginning of Lacy's life she had many many accidents. That smell makes me very nauseous, and I know if we get another cutesy wootsy puppy, I am going to be the one cleaning up after it. I think I clean enough poop everyday already Thank You Very Much. Then there are the vet bills and kennel bills I don't want to deal with right now.
I told all of my dog yearning guys that we could get one in a couple of years. Hopefully, by that time, Drew can take on some of the maintenance. You can scoop poop at 7 right?! For now though I think I will assuage my guilt of denying my first born a doggie. He asked for a pet turtle around Christmas time. I refused on the basis of my Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing
Fears. If you have read it, you will remember that the little brother Fudge ate Peter's pet turtle Dribble. Having thought of nowhere that is out of Donovan's reach or climb, I did not want to be in the ER with a kid who ingested turtle for breakfast. The turtles that they were selling at the mall were so cute, but unfortunately bite-sized.
I think I will find a suitable place to keep it happily away from Donovan's gullet, so that Drew can have a pet that I don't have to give flea baths to.
I'll be sure to let you know if Mommy Solution #456 is any good. :0)
This is what I call Drew's "Game Face" It's the face we are guaranteed to see at least once during every Tee Ball game. It's the face that says "Hey! I was supposed to catch that ball" or "I just want to play in the dirt, stop calling my name" or "Just take me home!" Granted we haven't seen as much of this face as we did last season, but lucky for us, he was displaying it in full glory on team picture day. Now we have it immortalized on a button and a fridge magnet for all to see.
Today though Drew decided not to show his game face not even once.He paid attention even when he was in the dreaded field and actually listened to the words coming out of his coaches mouths. Everyone cheered when he hit a thrown pitch and I could tell he was very proud of himself as he stole glances at us in the bleachers. He was even more proud when at the end of the game he received the coveted GAME BALL. The proud Momma in me wanted to show you his reward. All together now....Ooooh! Aaaaah! Isn't it pretty....
Love is sitting and sketching with your brother while catching an episode of Sesame Street :0)
Whatever they were watching must have been fascinating to Donovan. Perhaps Mr. Noodle was trying to eat spaghetti again. I know that always makes my jaw drop :0)
Idea for Love Thursday came from this lovely blog. http://loveisallaround.squarespace.com/
